FIRST TIME AT A DOG SHOW

Thanks to Mary Newton (New Zealand)

Printed in the Chin Chit Chat, Summer, 1979

First time at a dog show, I'll tell you quite plain,

I'll never, no never, go near one again

The Breeder said "Show him" when I bought my dog,

I showed him alright, the place was agog.

They gave me a number, they gave me a pin,

But I couldn't bear to stick the thing in.

So I rushed to a shop and bought some clear glue,

Then I stuck the card on his back in the loo.

We arrived at the ringside to find we were first

In the Puppy Dog Class ( This part is the worst)

We walked in together as fast as were able

Arrived at the Judge who said "Up on the Table."

This really surprised me, my skirt was quite tight

And I couldn't quite make it, try hard as I might.

The Judge looked quite worried, he said "Listen here,

Put your dog on the table, not you my dear"

By now I was trembling, I felt such a fool

But I said to myself -"Play it cool."

"How old?" asked the Judge, I heard it quite clear,

"Really!" I thought and said "30 next year."

The Steward, poor fellow threw a kind of a fit

He spluttered, he coughed, his eyes ran a bit.

"I'd have that cough seen to", I said to him when

He's finally stopped....then he started again.

"Once round the ring dear as fast as you can,"

said the Judge, so I did. I just ran and I ran,

But when I arrived (out of breath I'll admit)

The Judge said "your dog dear" I felt such a twit.

Off round once again, I kept my head bent,

Oh the shame, my pup crouched, he just went and he went.

A lady came running with a bucket and spade -

With manure so pricey, has she got it made.

We came back to the Judge who said with a frown,

"Stand your dog." I said, "Please sir, he's not lying down."

"You can take first place stand", he said, I said "ta,"

What a job I had getting that Stand in the car.